True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
