Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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