You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
