Dual....:-)
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
