it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
