I cannot find my penis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
