I met the friendliest cop last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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