I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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