im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
