It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
