You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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