The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
