my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
