I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
