She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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