Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
