he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
