I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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