Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
