Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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