In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
