thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My breasts were aching with rage.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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