I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
