I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
