Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
