worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
