I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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