But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
