Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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