this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
