I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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