Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who died my cat blue again?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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