my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
