So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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