we're blogging at a bar
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
