She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
