girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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