there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
