Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm at about main and main street
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
