Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
