i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
