ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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