time to smoke my breakfast
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
