The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so let's talk penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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