is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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