can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
