Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my phone needs a breathalizer
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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