i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
