it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
