I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
