Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
