the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
