I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
