Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
