apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
