Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
