I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
