Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
