rhymes with "ouble enetration"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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