The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
