How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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