If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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