I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
