That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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