she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
