Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The ass gains better be worth it
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