I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
