I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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