Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
