I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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