I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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