So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That accounts for only three of the penises
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
