the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
