I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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