i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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