are you still at the devil's house?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
