Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dignity is for republicans.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
